Discover the quirkiest, trendiest fitness trends, from sparring with clockwork automatons to outrunning pursuers in foggy, danger-filled alleys.
When you think of fitness, you might imagine sleek gyms filled with shiny machines. Or parks with white lines for tennis or thromball.
But this year we want to hear the gears grind as you do. Here are five ways to get fit when the whole of Guardian City is your gym.
1. Steam room postures
Do you know beneath all of the steam rides of the Twilight Fair there’s an inspection pit, sometimes known as the floor drain. That’s why the rides are mounted on platforms. This pit is where the mechanics go to check the workings are flowing free from obstacles. This is also where they vent the steam.
The point is, there’s a room beneath the Siren’s Waltz, the Whirligig, the Big Wheel, the Cogs of Chaos that is heated. You sweat in there. Also, for many rides, there’s a need to duck down, quite quickly, when whatever ride is going on above your head comes to a halt. There’s a lot of ducking, lying low, swooping, hitting the ground. All in a steam room. Sweat, muscle and agility. Ask the mechanics. For a small fee, they’ll rent out their space.
2. Stationary bicycling
First up, cycling. Not cycling around Guardian City, which is essentially hazardous. Cobblestones one minute, near dirt track the next. No, you don’t want to be venturing out in January where the steam cars drive around with half their windscreens frozen over. How about this, the Slipstream 1000. But it will set you back.
No extra money? What you do, you get yourself some wooden blocks. You get yourself some extended axles. You put your front axle on the blocks and lift the wheel free from the ground. Then you cycle. You might need a lot of blocks because we’re recommending a Penny Farthing, work those quadriceps and glutes. Get good at this and you could become a Penny Messenger, those long-legged young lads who know their A-to-Bs before their ABCs.
3. Brick yarbing
People get paid for yarbing bricks. Yarbing is the means by which a stack of eight bricks is lobbed from one construction worker to the next. You have to lift, squeeze, swing and throw – then be braced for someone who might yarb towards you. Think of the upper body strength needed for that kind of deal.
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They pay you too, once you get the knack of it – it’s a rhythm, mostly. So do it for a day as an apprentice, do it for a day as a paid labourer then toss your money towards the Twilight Fair mechanics and your all-over body regime is self-funding. Only, sssh, don’t tell the Guilds.
4. Automaton sparring
If you have the money, you can buy this new automaton sparring machine from Klinker and Bracketson Engineering, the company that fits out some of the new steam ships but has a sidelines in robots. Jonny Clockjaw is their latest device.
These mechanical opponents are programmed to dodge, block, and deliver a sharp blow. The bout begins, and his piston-driven arms swing with surprising agility, each punch accompanied by a satisfying “clang”. Just as you think you’ve found his rhythm, Jonny’s torso rotates, delivering a cheeky jab. It’s exhilarating, unpredictable, and guaranteed to leave you sweating, smiling and bruised.
5. Play chase
There’s a company, Flight & Fancy, which works out of the Gulch but operates in the most hazardous parts of the Obscurity. The company specialises in adrenaline-pumping chase scenarios. Skilled “chasers” who mingle with the usual Obscurity downbeats suddenly turn on you, perhaps wanting your purse or your scalp.
You have to make it out the maze of Obscurity roads and beyond the wall to be “safe”. Get a great cardio work out as well as learning essential evasion tactics. Best thing is, the chasers never reveal themselves. So you never know if it’s the real thing and your life is actually in danger. Talk about incentive.
That’s how you boost your fitness
Fitness in the year 1875 OT is not about the same old routine using the same equipment in municipal parks or outdoor gyms. This year we’re all about using and working with the environment. So go out there, have fun, and don’t die!